Tuesday, June 12
Last night between 11:30 pm and 12 am, the little date numbers on my watch slowly marched forward. That means I’m one day closer to a karmic death through which I will gain a more highly evolved life next time around. That’s probably not an important day in history to you, but imagine what it means to me!
The War of 1812 (PBS, 8 pm) In June of 1812, the U.S. declares war on Great Britain.
And American audiences complained that it was too soon for a franchise reboot.
Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family, 8 pm) A new message from “A” sets the girls on edge; Emily’s efforts to refocus on school are jeopardized when she recalls information from “that night.”
Emily and the gang have no idea that the real “A” has been retired and living quite comfortably in Patagonia for several years.
Jimmy Kimmel (ABC, 8 pm) Game Night Special.
Jimmy Kimmel and some other famous people talk about sports ball.
2012 NBA Finals (ABC, 9 pm) TBA at Oklahoma City Thunder.
TBA has got a helluva sports ball team this year.
MasterChef (FOX, 9 pm) The top 18 contestants must create a dish using duck and bananas; the judges challenge the cooks to use unusual ingredients.
One of the ex-fry cooks uses crickets—‘cause there was always a cricket or 6 in the fryolator in BEAUMONT, TEXAS.
Real Housewives of Orange County (BRAVO, 9 pm) Alexis reports on-location for the news, causing Vicki to cry; Gretchen discovers Slade’s plan to propose leading to a confrontation, causing Vicki to sob; Eddie surprises Tamra with a surprise romantic getaway, causing Vicki to caterwaul.
Dance Moms (Lifetime, 9 pm) Kelly makes a drastic decision right before her daughters take the stage; Maddie struggles with confidence issues; Holly must create elaborate costumes for a group number, Abby shows her softer side.
Just kidding. She’s still an atomic thundercunt.
Narrow Escapes of World War II (MILITARY CHANNEL, 10 pm) Major-General Robert `Lucky’ Laycock rallied his unit to see off a German attack on Crete.
He wasn’t that lucky. His last name is Laycock.
Pregnant in Heels (BRAVO, 10 pm) Rosie suggests vacations to the Dominican Republic for two struggling couples; one client bosses her husband around, and the other can’t lift her pregnancy spirits.
When Bravo sends you on vacation, it does not have your best interests in mind. Know that.
Anderson Cooper 360 (CNN, 10 pm) The anchorman brings his prickly and often witty perspective to current events and personalities in the news.
When did Anderson Cooper turn into Perez Hilton with balls?