Maya Rudolph hosts SNL this weekend, musical guests Sleigh Bells.
Saturday, February 18
The Homegoing of Whitney Houston (BET 12pm) Remembering and honoring singer Whitney Houston at the New Hope Baptist Church funeral in Newark, N.J.
Of all of the channels covering this event live, BET’s description is the sweetest.
Parking Wars Marathon (A&E 1pm – 10pm)
Parking tickets are funny when they happen to other people.
Kill Bill: Volume 1 (Spike 1pm) Awaking from a coma, an assassin seeks vengeance against her former boss and his ruthless gang.
Two hours of black screen and silence, interspersed with the odd flash of actual footage and innocuous dialogue, comprising two and a half hours total.
Kill Bill: Volume 2 (Spike 3:30pm) Before confronting her former boss, an assassin goes after the man’s younger brother and her one-eyed counterpart.
“My party wagon died on me” just doesn’t have quite the same feel.
The Bodyguard (Lifetime 8pm) An ex-Secret Service agent falls for his client, an actress/singer someone wants dead before the Academy Awards.
For those of us who will be feeling nostalgic.
Sunday, February 19
Once Upon a Time (ABC 8pm) David decides to tell Kathryn about his relationship with Mary Margaret; as Prince Charming searches for Snow White, he agrees to help Abigail with a dangerous mission.
I’ll take fewer Snow White/MM story lines and more Rumplestiltskin/Mr. Gold, thankyouverymuch.
You can rumple my stiltskin any day.
The Amazing Race (CBS 8pm) One team struggles with anxiety as everyone travels to Argentina; the contestants must skydive from a plane at 10,000 feet.
Because people who are afraid of heights/depths/cold places/hot places/strange food/foreigners/airplanes/taxi cabs/Phil Keoghan still audition for this show.
The Celebrity Apprentice (NBC 9pm) The teams each create a sandwich and sell it at a local deli; the men start out down a player due to an accident.
I’ll be watching because I want to see Teresa Giudice and Victoria Gotti get into a screaming match.
Downton Abbey (PBS 9pm) The family gathers at Downton Abbey for Christmas.
People whose opinions I respect keep telling me I should watch this show.
CSI Miami (CBS 10pm) The team steps in when multiple women are targeted during a murder spree at a Miami sorority.
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