Top 10 TV Shows, Friday, June 15th

Instead of watching the news, go pet your dog. You’ll both be happier.

Friday, June 15^th

Deadliest Catch (8 pm) Tempers on deck flare as temperatures plunge and every skipper steels himself for battle.

This is Deadliest Catch’s version of “The contestants sing; one is eliminated.”

Countdown to Niagara: The Greatest Megastunts of All Time (ABC, 8 pm) Impressive stunts over the ages.

And a lot of time-filling blah-blah you can probably skip.

Community (8:30 pm) Jeff and Shirley bond over foosball; after breaking Abed’s limited edition “Dark Knight” DVD, Annie claims that someone broke into the apartment and stole it.

The problem with foosball is that it’s a nonmarketable skill after you graduate from college.

Need to Know (PBS, 8:30) Fixing America: A panel discussion on America’s immigration policies features Eliseo Medina, Renku Sen, Linda Chavez and Mark Krikorian.

I hope they address that FWed email I got last week, saying “WE NED TU FIX AMERCA BY THROUGHING OUT ALL THE ILEGALS THAT GO AND TAKE ALL R JOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Where’s his cape? Oh, the cape girl is probably holding it. What? If I was a Flying Wallenda, you bet your bibby I would have a cape girl!

Megastunts—Highwire Over Niagara Falls, Live! (ABC, 9 pm) Daredevil Nik Wallenda crosses Horseshoe Falls, the largest of the falls that make up Niagara Falls, on a tightrope.

ABC made Nik Wallenda wear a safety tether. I hope he at least told them, “I am Nik Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, and your concern insults me.”

Dateline NBC (NBC, 9 pm) A woman who was conned by a former rap star seeks revenge.

My rapper name is going to be ‘nilla Wafer. Once my single gets some Youtube views.

Whale Wars (Animal Planet, 9 pm) The Steve Irwin and Bob Barker race to assist the Brigitte Bardot, but the storm-battered scout vessel may not survive the night.

I know naming a ship after Steve Irwin isn’t supposed to be funny, but…

Great Performances (PBS, 9 pm) Harry Connick Jr. performs a mix of standards, show tunes and jazz classics, backed by a 20-piece swing band and 10-piece string section, at the Neil Simon Theater in New York City.

All you 50-something ladies, throw your panties on the stage!!

 Randy is Tim Gunn. Without the dignity.

Randy to the Rescue (TLC, 10 pm) Randy works to rescue bride Janine from her body image issues; Tayna wants a look to honor the memory of her father; Molly is looking for a sexy 60′s style.

Tanya… wants to honor the memory… of her father… with a look. Tanya, you dumb bitch.

Serial Killer Earth (H2, 11 pm) A tornado rips through an airport; a massive landslide chases a group of construction workers; an earthquake threatens a 700-year-old church.

Those dope-smokin’ hippies keep telling us to “Love our Mother”. Well, what if your Mother is using every trick she knows to try to kill you?