TV Patrol: 1st Week-Was it worth the wait?

2 Broke Girls needs to keep Noah Mills around to compensate for those god-awful waitress uniforms our eyes are assaulted with each week.

Summer is over. No more repeats. No more Big Brother. No more America’s Got Talent. No more So You Think You Can Dance. We have had one whole week of all-new TV shows. New programming and our old favorites are back with new episodes and some have made some new changes. Are we happy? Most important, am I happy?

Monday was a huge premiere night. Only two new shows, but lots of returning shows to wade through.  I had to work my DVR like a math problem to get everything recorded. On top of all that, FOX aired the 2-hour season finale of Hell’s Kitchen. I had been rooting for the hell-bitch Elise for half the season and when Chef Ramsey axed her at the end of the first hour, I no longer gave a shit about the 2nd hour and fast-forwarded to the end, only to see that worthless Paul open his door, leaving Will behind. A truly wasted season, if ever there was one.

Two Broke Girls on CBS. It had a few good jokes, but I found myself wishing Paris Hilton had taken the job as the “no longer rich girl”. It would have been much more fun. I was also hoping the 12-pack boyfriend was a regular… damn! My biggest complaint was those god-awful uniforms. I don’t think I can look at those mustard-colored monstrosities every week.

Two and a Half Men on CBS returned with huge ratings. Americans watched Kelso move from Red Forman’s basement to Charlie Harper’s beach house. I expected Charlie to come down the stairs at any moment. I really did try to keep an open mind, but unless they get Ty Pennington in there to do an extreme makeover, it’s Charlie’s house and Charlie’s show and Ashton Kutcher is just playing an older version of Kelso and it just doesn’t work. I didn’t believe him when he said he was smart. Did you?

Hawaii 5-0 on CBS.  I have to give them credit, taunting me with John Locke from LOST (Terry O’Quinn) got me to watch the show for the very 1st time ever! I’ll even tune in next week because it was “to be continued”. Will I watch after that? Maybe I’ll commit it to my DVR list to be deleted at a later date.

Dancing With the Stars on ABC. One of my favorite shows on TV and they ruined it! I HATE the new set. The staircase coming down the center is awful. The couples looked terrified as they tried not to fall to their death on national television. The three-tiered audience reminded me of  The Muppet Show.

The Playboy Club on NBC. This was the one true bomb! I could only watch the first 15 minutes before I knew I wouldn’t watch it again. Hef himself was the narrator of the episode opener, making it all sound sleek and swank. I really thought we were going to see a network version of Mad Men. Hahahaha! Here’s the scene that got me. At the Playboy Club, Cigarette Bunny is dancing with different guys while selling cigarettes. Big fat business guy tries to dance with her and she brushes him off. Tall, handsome Hef-type would like some cigarettes, but she doesn’t have his brand, so she excuses herself and goes in the back to restock her tray. Rejected, fat guy follows and tries to have his dance anyway! Hef-type, having a nicotine fit, goes looking for her and finds fat man humping her on the floor. He grabs him away, but fat man wants some bunny tail and goes back for more. Cigarette Bunny kicks him right in the jugular with her stiletto heel. Kills him INSTANTLY! Drops to the floor dead, very little blood. She wipes her hands on her bunny suit and has two little bloody hand prints, that’s all. She wants to call the cops right away and he says “No, you just killed a mob boss, we have to get rid of the body.” The next scene is them putting 300 lb fat guy in the trunk of a car and then dumping him in the East River. INCREDULOUS!

Tuesday was FOX night for me. CBS rolled out its NCIS and NCIS: LA premieres. NBC returned with it’s big ratings hit The Biggest Loser for it’s 12th season. I’m not a fan of torturing fat people so I don’t watch. ABC airs DWTS Results Show and the premiere of Body of Proof, which I thought for sure got canceled last season.

Unforgettable on CBS.  The heroine of the show has a mind like Marilu Henner from Taxi. No, she’s not fucked in the head, she has hyperthymesia or Superior Autobiographical Memory and they turned it into a cop show. Too bad it’s forgettable. and that’s because it’s predictable. It’s also stupid in the “why are you going in the warehouse with the killer alone” kind of way.

New Girl on FOX. I don’t get it. Maybe it was shoved down my throat too much, but I didn’t LOVE it like I was told too. This Zooey Dechanel girl is cute and all that, but I hope this show isn’t all about her, because then I’ll hate it. Those three dudes had better do something and that “something” better not be falling in love with her. I will give it time, but not much.

Glee on FOX. I’m glad it’s back. I loved all of the songs, especially the Go-Go’s, “We Got The Beat” in the cafeteria. The storyline could use some work, but I don’t pay much attention to that. I do love the fact that Quinn has gone rogue. My favorite quote is from Santana: “We used to be like the three Musketeers. Now Santana and I are like Almond Joys, and you’re like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray.”

Wednesday was Simon Cowell’s night to prove he didn’t make a mistake by leaving American Idol. I’m not a fan of AI. I lost interest after Jennifer Hudson didn’t win, but she did just fine anyways, didn’t she? Anyhow, Mr. Cowell wanted us Americans to see what the UK loved him for and that is The X-Factor. So I watched and what I saw was… American Idol, and lo and behold… Paula Abdul was back… sitting right next to Simon right where she belonged! The only difference, the show was sponsored by Pepsi instead of Coke.

The Middle on ABC had an hour-long premiere. I’m a big fan, but I was disappointed when they went camping and ran into Raymond in the woods. Patricia Heaton is NOT Debra anymore. She doesn’t act anything like Debra on this new show. She’s Frankie and she’s married to Mike and it was just stupid to put Raymond on the show, especially with that script. If they wanted to make it funny, she should have cooked him lemon chicken and given him food poisoning.

Modern Family on ABC, gave us two new episodes for their premiere night and both were superb. After Sunday’s big Emmy sweep, it’s a good thing too. It also helped to pound a few more nails in Simon Cowell’s ratings coffin. The ‘Dude Ranch’ episode was the weaker of the two, but it was a good way to get rid of Dylan finally. By the way, he looked like a real meth-head, didn’t he? The second episode, with it’s Mitchell/Cam issues about Lilly were the best. But in the end, it was Jay inadvertently showing just where Claire got her “I’m always right.” attitude from. Perfect.

CSI on CBS. Yes I did watch. How could I not? Ted Danson was going to be the new boss, replacing Cowboy Curtis! Ya know what? He did fantastic! I love him as the boss. I think he fit right in and even did better than bringing back Grissom. He’s going to make the show fun to watch again. Sam Malone is Vegas!

“Tell me this ladies, can either of you make any facial expressions at all?”

Revenge on ABC. I didn’t get a chance to watch this drama yet. It has had good reviews and is considered a soap-opera styled drama of a family from the Hamptons. The father is falsely accused of a crime years ago, sent to prison to die and the daughter is bounced around thru the “system” until she comes of age. Then she returns to her hometown for “REVENGE”!

Up All Night and Free Agents on NBC, both premiered last week. I watched Up All Night when it premiered, but didn’t bother to watch it or even DVR it this week. It never once made me laugh. As for Free Agents, I never even made it thru the first show, let alone watch it a second time.

Harry’s Law on NBC. I really thought this was the worst David E. Kelley law show he’d ever written. I never expected it to make it another season, but it did. I had no plans on watching it, but as I was channel-surfing I saw that Mark Valley (Brad-Boston Legal, Christopher-Human Target) was on the show. I DVR’d it for later. Well, they gave the show a HUGE face-lift, and moved Harry out of the hood. Now she has a shoe store down stairs and a law firm upstairs and a “to be continued” storyline for next week. Will I watch again? The DVR list.

Thursday wasn’t a good night for me and premieres. I only watched a few of them so I’m hoping someone else can fill in the blanks for this day. I do know it was NBC’s big night for it’s comedy line-up. I have never watched The Office, but I did tune in, only because James Spader joined the cast as the new boss and I’m a fan of his. After watching, I can honestly say, I hadn’t missed a thing. I had hoped to find a hidden gem. I was unexpectedly disappointed. I guess I thought I’d find that I’d ignored some sort of comedic gold.

Whitney on NBC. I LOL’d! Yes I did. Some of her jokes were kinda corny, but she made me laugh and to me, that’s all that matters. I like Whitney Cummings stand-up routine and I think she did a great job on this show. I enjoyed it way more than New Girl that everyone is raving about, but who am I… right?

Prime Suspect on NBC. A new drama about a tough female homicide detective who has to prove herself to a new precinct she’s been transferred to. The good old boys are assholes who think she got her job for all the wrong reasons. I really liked this one. It’s gritty and unpredictable. You don’t know “who done it” till the end, if then and Maria Bello plays one tuff-ass bitch. She hooked me in the opening scene when she pulled her gun on her cab driver, cuz he wouldn’t put out his cigarette. She was chewing nicotine gum and talking to her boyfriend on the phone and the cabbie told her to fuck-off, calling her a whore. That’s when the gun came out. The cigarette just kinda fell from his lip. She did show her badge then. The BF heard this and suggested she switch to a nicotine patch.

Big Bang Theory on CBS. This was another two-episode season premiere. The first one wrapped up all the loose ends from last season’s cliff-hanger ending. To me, it was a bit of a disappointment. Everything basically went back to the way it was, except Leonard’s girlfriend Pria, moved back to India. The second episode focused on Sheldon and Penny and his obsessions. This is comic gold for the most part. I just hope that the whole season doesn’t focus on these things. Another pattern that they are weighing heavily on is Amy and her friendship/obsession with Penny. I would like more Bernadette and Howard moments.

Person of Interest on CBS. It’s J.J. ABRAMS! It’s Ben’s Michael Emerson. Both are from LOST. I was so excited when I heard about this show. Then I sat down to watch it. The opening scene is of a dude on a subway… a bum with a really bad wig on. Why, in this day and age, can’t they find a decent wig to put on these people? A gang of punks try to pick on the mis-quaffed bum, but he Chuck Norris’ their asses. Next thing you know, he’s being released from the police into the hands of Ben. He’s not Ben anymore, he’s a gazillionaire named Finch and he needs a Kung-Fu fighter just like what’s his name to stop crime before it happens and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz….. sorry, that’s as far as I got. So sad….

Friday is now Saturday on network TV. Saturdays have been rerun night for quite a few years now. The networks would repeat some of their lower rated shows on this night in hopes of grabbing some attention for them on a night when TV viewing is at a low. This seems to be what they are starting to do on Fridays now.  ABC and NBC both opted to air repeats of shows aired earlier in the week. They both did premiere new season episodes of 20/20 on ABC and Dateline on NBC. FOX premiered new episodes of  Kitchen Nightmares and Fringe while CBS did the same with premieres of CSI: NY and the return of Blue Bloods for it’s 2nd season.

A Gifted Man on CBS. This is CBS’s way of making up with us for canceling Medium and Ghost Whisperer. Dr. Michael Holt is a snobby surgeon who thinks his shit don’t stink. He makes tons of money and doesn’t care about anybody but himself and how awesome he is at what he does. One day he bumps into his ex-wife and they have lunch together. They haven’t seen or heard from each other in years. She’s working for a free clinic now. He should stop by sometime and volunteer. Yeh, right! The next day he calls the clinic to speak to her and is told that she died TWO WEEKS AGO! Yes my friends, she’s a ghost and she’s not going away. She has unfinished business at the free clinic and he has to finish it for her. Our Dr. Holt tries to find a medical reason for her appearances.  He even has an MRI to see if he has a tumor that’s making him see her, but nope, “It’s not a tumor!” He finally goes to his sister’s wacky spirit cleaner to have her extracted. Just as her spirit is about to go, our Dr. changes his mind. He needs this Ghost and Mrs. Muir lifestyle. Now we have a TV show. Will I watch again? Of course I will.

What have you watched? What will you watch again? Have you been disappointed by anything new or any of your old favorites? I don’t get the CW on my dish, so I can’t comment on any of their new shows, but I hope that doesn’t stop anyone from telling us what they think of their season premieres.