TvGasm Investigates: 20 Richest Celebs of 2012

Hey there Gasmii. By now you’ve probably all heard the news that Ashton Kutcher is the highest paid actor on TV, which is a bummer for all the fans of talent out there, but there is a silver lining that people keep ignoring. For all of us who always worried about going to hell, we can now relax, because obviously we are already there.

What was truly depressing for me was that on the list of highest TV actors was a link to the 20 highest paid celebrities, and god, that list was soul crushing. As a fan of both entertainment and capitalism, I’ve always at least hoped that the really talented people got the most money. I mean that’s how the system is supposed to work, right?

Sadly that doesn’t seem to be the case, at least in this little Waffleboy’s opinion. Here’s let’s take a look at the list and you can see what I’m talking about.

(For the record there are actually 21 people on this list, because there was a tie for the last spot)

Oprah 160 million dollars. Pretty nice money considering her biggest entertainment accomplishment last year was turning the OWN network into a ratings ghost town. It there was a way to close down a cable network, so you could turn it into a real estate development, Oprah would be one rubber mask away from becoming a Scooby-Doo villain.

Michael Bay 160 million dollars. Most of that cash was made off that last Transformer movie. Now I know pretty much the entire internet shares my scorn for this guy’s movies. Of course Michael Bay has a hundred and sixty million dollars, a bunch of Ferraris and gaggle of lady friends, all young enough to be his own daughter. I think we can mark that scorn down as safely deflected.

Steven Spielberg 130 million dollars. Okay, a bunch of this money came from the two movies Senor Spielbergo directed last year, The Adventures of Tin Tin, and The War Horse, but another big chunk came from  Steven giving the word the TV Shows Terra Nova, and Smash, and that last part is to me like giving your family pet a grand every time it pees in the corner on the living room.

Jerry Bruckhemier 115 million dollars. That last Pirates of the Caribbean made about a billion dollars, so Jerry managed to stay out of the 47% this year.

Dr Dre 110 million dollars. Okay, on the one hand Dr Dre is awesome, but on the other hand he made most of this money by selling his half interest in a company that made headphones, so meh?

Tyler Perry 105 million dollars. If I were giving practical advice for any young man wanting to make it in show business today, it would be to buy the cheapest housedress and biggest set of fake boobs you can find. And to mention Jesus. A lot. But seriously, don’t skimp on the fake boobies