“I thought I had it good before, but I’m just getting started.” (Season 4) – Translation, I found out about my divorce in a text message
“To some people living elegantly just comes naturally.” (Season 5 – present) -Wait, I’m confused. In the song you said elegance was learned…and that we were friends
“I love making my own money. I find that an aphrodisiac.” (Season 1 – Season 3) – you know, I could have gone my whole life without knowing this particular piece of information
“If people can’t handle the truth, it’s really not my problem.” (Season 4) – Translation, I’m an asshole
“I’m not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking.” (Season 5 – present) -See Season 4
“I have a taste for luxury and luxury has a taste for me.”(Season 3 – Season 4) – AAAAAAHHHHHH!! Luxury is trying to eat Sonja!
“A little Sonja will spice up any party.” (Season 5 – present) – It’s like they always say, you can’t spell entertaining without toaster oven.
“Never underestimate a woman born and raised in New York City.” – Just don’t ask me to do anything that involves getting on a plane, or using an elevator, escalator, or a soft serve ice cream dispenser. Hey did I ever tell you the story about me losing my leg?
“I may be a princess but I am definitely not a drama queen.” (Season 5 – present) – Did you know Aerosmith wrote a song about me? What? No, not Dude looks a Lady.
This week on separated at birth…
“My success is built by making women look and feel their best. Holla! (Season 5 – present) – Your success is built on wrapping chunky women in industrial strength saran wrap. Holla!
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA
“I don’t keep up with the Jones, I am the Jones! (Season 1 – Season 2) – Well it looks like the Jones’ kid just got popped for shoplifting at WalMart. /Boom! drops mic walks off stage with arms over his head.
“When I walk into a room, I own it!” (Season 3 – Present) – That’s because your kid…Wait, I just made a shoplifting joke, huh? Darnit!
“In Atlanta money and class give you power.” (Season 1 – Season 2) = Maybe so, but box Chardonnay, and fake hair will get you a spin-off on Bravo.
First you get the power. Then you get the big goofy football player. And then you get the spin-off
“People call me a gold digger, but they just want what I have.” (Season 3 – Present) – Well, I know there are a lot of kids in India who would like their hair back.
“I am an independent woman doing it for myself.” (Season 2) – That sex toy line? The handwriting was on the wall even back then
“I have fame and fortune, and I earned it.” (Season 3 – Present) – The fact that it drives NeNe batshit crazy is pure gravy.
“I am the ultimate southern belle, I get what I want.” (Season 3 – Present) – And Blanche Dubois wants dead people
“I know how to work it and be seen.” (Season 3 – Present) – Big Ups to Cynthia for kicking that pesky invisibility problem!
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY
“People make fun of Jersey girls, but I think they’re just jealous.“ (Season 1 – Season 2) - You also picked out your hair style. Hey, just saying.
“I’m a jersey girl, no one can knock me down.“ (Season 3) -That’s because your head is made out of cement
“When times get tough, you learn who your real friends are.” (Season 4 – Present) - We’ve been over this before, the voices in head do not count as friends