**WaffleBoy predicts the Drama Weather on one of our fave shows, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Who will be back and who will get the axe?!
Lisa: she’ll be back. You can’t have this show without her. This is just as well as we’re probably not going to see season two of Vanderpump Rules. The good news for that is it should give Kyle something to be passive aggressive about next season, or more likely to have Mo-Mo make some really snotty comments about it, and then wonder why the Vanderpumps won’t use him as a real estate agent. What does it say, that Ken, a guy who’s been wearing a Nigel from Spinal Tap wig since 1985, farts like a bean factory (at least according to your videos), and wears color coordinated outfits with a tiny dog is the best husband on this show?
Adrienne: At this point I’d be surprised to see her back next season, especially if she’s ducking the reunion show. I think she takes whatever money she gets from her fambly (they just sold their basketball team) and invests it in Viagra for the Steward spawn. Also, By the way, Ad is one lazy starfucker in my book. If you’re going to mortify your children with your dating choice you’d better be getting a boy toy who’s just old enough to produce legal ID. She’s going out with a 31 year old guy. That fucknut is old enough to be a US Senator. What, there wasn’t one personal trainer in Beverly Hills with low self esteem who wants to drive a leased Porsche?
Kyle: As much as everyone hates her, and even though she has zero personality, I think she comes back. She hosts events for the other housewives to bitch at each other at, and I think she does whatever the producers tell her to. Also, I’m pretty sure she’s got Bravo convinced that she and her sister are a package deal. Also she reaches that much coveted whip their hair/do the splits at party demographic
Kim: I think she comes back, mainly because this is the only steady income in her life, because they aren’t going to be filming that Escape from Witch Mountain sequel any time soon. Still, I think Kim managed to burn through some good will with the audience this year. I mean, yes Kyle is horrible, but Kim isn’t all that much better, and as sad as it is that Kim likes the haha powder and the goofy juice, she really seems to have zero desire to stay sober. This means when she’s on screen, Kim is a just a drunk who’s not big on the concept of apologizing. For Real Housewives this is almost a plus, but it’s not very icon-y.
Brandi: Brandi will be back, cuz Brandi says shit about everybody. Although it might get tricky for Brandi in the long run, because eventually these women are going to wise up and stop telling her things. Seriously, I think I’d have better chance of keeping a secret by shouting it into a megaphone than whispering it in Brandi’s ear. I am kind of curious to see what happens with Brandi next season if Ad doesn’t come back, because she can’t keep telling us how Eddie cheated on her when she was pregnant, right? Right? Please say yes.
Taylor: Taylor is gone, end of times, dunzo baby, dunzo. And not just because every gossip site is shoveling dirt on her chances for next season. Not that she wouldn’t continue to be a complete drunken mess and a can’t take your eyes away from Wheels of Tragedy trainwreck, but if the one sin Andy ain’t too keen on forgiving is going seriously lose your house or your purse broke. Oh well, Bravo’s loss is the Piggly Wiggly of Cherokee Falls, Oklahoma gain.
Camille: Camille probably won’t be a full time Housewife (and if she has a brain in her head won’t ask to be, because the more you watch her interact with people the worse she gets), but there is no way she walks away from the show by choice. I get the feeling that Camille likes having a national platform to remind everyone her ex is one of the great buttheads of the last hundred years too much to pass up the camera time. Besides she’s good TV, she drops in to scenes, says shit about the least popular person there, and helicopters out.
Yolanda: If it were up to me, and she wanted to be on next season, she’d need to have a come to Jesus meeting with the producers or Andy about what she is supposed to be bringing to the show, because her Martha Stewart shtick is some tired bullshit. I also don’t need to hear about being the perfect wife from a woman who went from Mohammad to David Foster like the baton in some 4X400 meter MILF relay. Although the season isn’t over yet. so she has plenty of time to lose her shit and start swearing at somebody in Dutch to earn a return engagement for next season. If there is anything this season of New York has shown us is that you can really fuck off for 18 out of the 22 episodes as long as you completely lose your shit in the other four. “This is ABOUT THE CHILDREN MISSING LIMBS!” makes up for a shitpot of boring lunches.
As for Faye Resnick and that Zanuck women, is this really the best Bravo can do in Beverly Hills? What they really need a rich, drunken, wingnut with no internal censor. Ideally somebody who could really get under Lisa’s skin. Not because I dislike Lisa, but I think Lisa’s had it way too easy with the other women on this show. They all have one simple obvious button, and when you switch it, they turn into screetchy needy bitches, and boom, Lisa wins. Get somebody on the show who honestly doesn’t give two tugs of a dead dog’s cock about what Lisa thinks, and you’ll get some interesting TV.
I mean, that’s just how I see it. How bout you? Agree or not in the comments!