Tweetgasm: Kanye Edition

Twitter is a huge deal, but not huge enough for Levi Johnston to update. Seriously it’s been since 2009, kid! I need my deep thinker fix! Thankfully, as of last week, Kanye is on the scene. He’s pretty prolific, so let’s just spend a day in the life, shall we?

I love people who can look at caca and see beautiful art. Like that guy who saw the Virgin Mary in some poop on his windshield last year.

I am reading this in my tiny apartment in clothes I don’t have enough quarters to launder. I would love to bless you with a pic of my ass crack, but I can’t reach back far enough to take one. A-hole.

It also spawns handicap rails outside Starbucks. What’s your point?

...because stairs are for poor people. And refusing to get on the elevator with someone you were just pretending to be nice to is way less awkward than pretending to be nice for like ten more seconds.

That’s three tweets in one elevator ride. I can’t wait for the toilet edition.

So let me get this straight. Kanye said bye to someone. He got on the elevator. He saw that person running toward the elevator and pushed the close doors button. What a DICK. I hope I get into an elevator with him sometime. So I can fart. And then when the doors open I’ll tell everyone it was Kanye and yell really loudly “do NOT. Go in there.”

Don’t speak.

You know if they didn’t offer him juice he’d sue Southwest Airlines.

Stop flying coach.

Very energetic. I suspect he drank juice.

What have we learned from all this? I dunno really. Stay away from Southwest and take the stairs. And no matter how much the little people of the world annoy you and refuse to give you the respect you deserve. remember that you are a gift.

He’s so sweet! To himself!