TVgasm Investigates: Very Very Rich Housewives

Watercooler

By WaffleBoy | Tuesday, April 24, 2012 | 1:00 pm | 17 Comments
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Posted in: TVgasm Investigates, Watercooler

Hi there Gasmii. I was listening to that hit podcast Watch What Crappens the other day, and the guys got to talking about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and how they liked it because the women on it had money unlike on other shows. Well that got me to thinking. Was that shiny object in the corner a dime or a nickel? Eventually after about an hour of pondering that little mystery I got to wondering just how much money do the Real Housewives have?

This led to me firing up the old computer and doing one of the world’s all time laziest google searches.The real answer to this question, is that I really have no 100% accurate answer for any of these women, and until they run for President and have to disclose tax returns we’ll probably never know who has what. It’s a shame, too, because I’ve got a twenty buck bet with a buddy that Teresa and Juicy Joe’s 1040s are done in crayon. However, the good news is thanks to the website http://www.celebritynetworth.com we at least have some numbers for everyone to fight about by the end of the post. We’ll go in order by the richest show, and the richest cast member on each show. Anyway, let’s get to counting!

  • Beverly Hills
  • Adrienne Maloof-300 million
  • Lisa Vanderpump-65 million
  • Kyle Richards-20 million
  • Brand Glanville-4.7 million
  • Kim Richards-2 million
  • Taylor Armstrong-100k

Keep laughing Taylor, if you don’t get picked up next season that suitcase is going to be your new house

  • total $391.8 million
  • New York
  • Carole Radziwill-50 million
  • Ramona Singer-18 million
  • Aviva Drescher-20 million
  • Heather Thomson-10 million
  • LuAnne De Temps, aka The Countess- 2 million

Money can’t buy you class, but it can pay for a boatload of autotune

  • Sonja Morgan- (-20) million
  • Total $80 million
  • Atlanta
  • Kandi Burrus-35 million

Apparently Kandi is very, very, very rich

  • NeNe Leakes-3.5 million
  • Phadra Parks-2 million
  • Kim Zolciak-1.5 million
  • Cynthia Bailey-50k (that’s about the price of a car, just saying)
  • Total $42.05 million (The good news for lazy me is that Sheree will no longer be on the show which means I don’t have to figure out a value for her hole in the ground, future house.)
  • New Jersey
  • Melissa Gorga-15 million
  • Caroline Manzo-8 million
  • Jacqueline Laurita-5.5 million
  • Kathy Walkile-5 million
  • Theresa Giudice- (-11 million)

Jesus, I can never get over that forehead. She makes Ron Perlman look like a pinhead

  • Total $22.5 million
  • Orange County
  • Vicki Gunvalsoni-7 million

What do you mean you don’t have insurance? Not even whole life??

  • Heather Dubrow-4 million
  • Gretchen Rossi-3 million
  • Tamra Barney-500k
  • Alexis Bellino-500k
  • Total $ 15 million

Notes: Now as I said before, I don’t think these numbers are 100 percent accurate. In fact, it looks like if they aren’t actually in bankruptcy proceedings, that we’re assuming they are worth whatever number got passed out in a press release. Case in point, the number listed for Adrienne Maloof looks like it was based on her family owning the Palms Casino, a beer distributorship in New Mexico, the Sacramento Kings, and a shitpot of Wells Fargo stock. As of today all they own are the Sacramento Kings, a 2% stake in the Palms, and that aforementioned shitpot. Of stock. Using a completely by the gut guess I’d say that the upper super duper max for Ad based on this is that she is worth around 100 million dollars, and it could certainly be much less.  She’s still got a ton of money, but she’s probably  lost almost as much money over the last few years, then the combined wealth of all of the other current housewives combined. Yoink!) Anyway, at least we have a vague idea of who has what. Oh and that NeNe is rich, bitch. So, what do you guys think?

About

Waffle's family would like to go on record and say he was raised by raccoons. You eat out of the garbage one time, and everyone suddenly gets judgmental. He's just going to point out, for the last time, with God as his witness, there was ice cream in that carton. However, the fact of the matter is he was born and has lived about 90% of my life in the Bay Area in Northern California. He's a long time cube monkey (office worker), who spends too much time trying to maximize the money he spends on his cable bill, and has a not so healthy love of all things that are dumb and fun, translation: needless explosions, cable neeckedness, and any time Steven Segal attempts to express human emotion only by squinting.

17 Comments

  1. 1
    whataboutmaura
    Posted April 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    But I thought Heather lived on Billionaire’s Row?

  2. 2
    TWhit
    Posted April 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    That’s what I was gonna say! It shocked me that Vicki is richer than Heather!

  3. 3
    labowner
    Posted April 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    I will say way less than $100M for Adrianne. Her name isn’t even mentioned with the three brothers when the media discusses Kings ownership. She has greatly exaggerated her dealings. She walked around the Palm like she was 25% owner not the .50% ownership she actually has. And I am assuming she has taken a hit with the Maloof Hoof since those aren’t selling very well.

    I would still trade all of that for my sad excitement of $5 Fridays at Safeway. :)

  4. 4
    zerocool
    Posted April 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    I’m waiting for MegaMillions to go up again, then watch me top them all…

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted April 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    She’s a poser.

  6. 6
    LAC LAC
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Anyone looking to lose those pesky few pounds?

    http://jezebel.com/5904427/real-housewives-simon-van-kempen-ejaculated-on-his-wife-while-she-gave-birth-to-their-son

    Maybe they are not rich in money, but wouldn’t you say they are rich in love?

  7. 7
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

    ugh. just… ugh. ugh…. ugh.

    ugh.

  8. 8
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

    I think that these women don’t have that much in the banks. For those like Adrienne and Vicki, the value of their companies are being tacked on to their net worth. I kind of like to look at net worth as something “liquid.” Like my accounting teacher used to say, “A million dollar house is fine and well, but just make sure you put it on the right side of the balance sheet. Because until that house is paid off, it’s not an asset. It’s a liability.”

    I also doubt Nene has $3.5 million. Maybe this a combination of what she’s been paid over 4 seasons, plus appearance, but these women spend so much, who knows what’s left?

  9. 9
    WaffleBoy
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Hi labowner, you’re probably right about Ad having less money then my top guess. The interesting thing about all the Maloofs over the years, was whoever was in front of the camera acted like everything the family owned was all theirs. It was like there were four people each with a billion dollars instead of four (and with their mom, five) people with a billion dollars. I’ve always felt it was the best proof that with just a little delusion, sharing really can work for everybody.

  10. 10
    WaffleBoy
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    A really great point. To be honest I thought most of these numbers could be described as very generous.
    NeNe actually makes a decent salary to be on her show, I read she makes about 700k a season. She wrote a book that actually sold some copies, and probably has some endorsement money sitting in her bank account. Does she have 3 million? Probably not, but I’d feel better betting that NeNe had three million then betting that Kim Richards has two million. And actually I wouldn’t bet on either of those two choices. That’s how you end up living in Sheree’s hole in the ground.
    I think the real test would be to take these women to a nice restaurant, make each one pay, and see who’s cards get declined (because, you know there just wouldn’t be one).

  11. 11
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    She’s on METH!

  12. 12
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    ^thanks, now I don’t have to type this :-)

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    F#cking creeps.

  14. 14
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Agreed, they have a Birkin for every pain of red bottoms they own. At at least $10k a pop 3.5mil goes FAST.

  15. 15
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted April 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    I would assume the ladies that are in divorce proceedings, their financial information is probably closer to the right number than some of these numbers.

  16. 16
    StageMom
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I think they are being way to generous with Alexis and Tamra.

  17. 17
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted May 10, 2012 at 9:38 am

    GREAT!! Now make a list on how much the housewives Earn for the shows!!

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