ZineCap: People

ZineCap

By Flipit | Tuesday, October 5, 2010 | 7:00 am | 5 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Watercooler, ZineCap

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Nads is off today, which means I get to make fun of People Magazine! YAY I haven’t done a zinecap in awhile, and today Betty White’s on top. Literally. I’m taking it as a good sign.

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Betty talks about still being horny at 88. She’s not banging anyone at the moment, but warns Robert Redford to watch his man sack. Did you guys know the highest new infection rate for STDs happens in nursing homes? I don’t think you’re ever too old to f either, so go Betty! You just have to look for different things when you get older. Does he trip on his balls? Cuz that could be a turnoff. Is he ready to die at any moment and did he make you sign a prenup? Do his butt cheeks look like wet Whole Foods sacks or slightly expired cantaloupes? And….horny.

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Now we’re never gonna know how Maks can find a reason to shake his butt cheeks to the tune of “Hallelujah”. If you’re not hating Boyle right now, you’re not thinking of the possibilities.

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They are so cute when they’re babies, aren’t they? Then they start growing up and asking you for toys and credit cards and iPhones and they get nasty and turn against you and say that Brad’s their favorite and you just wanna kill those little fuc….wait. You got them here on a plane and you can get rid of ‘em on a plane. “I’m sending you the hell out of my life!” “I’m hungry!” “That’s where you’re going, you asshole! HUNGRY IT IS!” Poor kids. Don’t screw with Angie.

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Hopefully she will stop making horrible movies, which can lead to stress, which can lead to smoking. Or maybe she can get addicted to STAYING IN HER HOUSE instead.

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Does his costar have a penis? Then no.

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Embarrassingly obese woman walks children.

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Lesson to all women: Insist on a ring or close your legs. Men are born bastards! She’s rumored to be dating a dude she co-owns a “ping pong bar” with though, so good on her. Still poppin out ping pongs at her age. Call Betty White and slut that city up, girl!

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And crashes her into a tree that was accidentally growing in the middle of the aisle.

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I always thought he looked smelly.

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That he’s getting way less tang now.

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1. Don’t care
2. Where’s LaToya?
3. Who?
4. No.
5. Stop trying to make me care.

Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

5 Comments

  1. 1
    mere2142
    Posted October 5, 2010 at 10:37 am

    I love the caption under Heidi’s photo!

    Good work Flipit! I canceled my People subscription…too damn expensive…so I look forward to when you can catch me up on what I’m missing!

  2. 2
    marijai
    Posted October 5, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Flipit, I love these! I think you should do one per week, each time a new tabloid comes out! :-)

  3. 3
    Flipit
    Posted October 5, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    thanks you guys! the goal is to do one a week but then i get laaaazy

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted October 6, 2010 at 5:47 am

    Why can’t the tell us more about Rebee Jackson?!?!?!? Centipede was like the best song EVA!!!

  5. 5
    Clair Clair
    Posted October 6, 2010 at 9:43 am

    I agree – one (or two) a week, FlipCat!

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