ZineCap: People

Watercooler

By Flipit | Friday, January 28, 2011 | 5:01 pm | 6 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Watercooler

Waaaay too much time has passed since I’ve checked my brain at the door and visited my fave magazine, so I figured while Nads was out for the afternoon peeing her name in the snow, I’d catch up. Welcome to ZineCap!

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But wait! I thought he was just in the hospital for a hernia! Is that what we’re calling alcoholism now? I’d help you move on Sunday, but I have a hernia. I only crashed into that baby stroller cuz of my hernia. I’m only dating this loser cuz he supports my hernia. But seriously, Charles. Please get better so I don’t have to see your droopy herniated mug every time I click on People.

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Who cares? “Jaime Pressly Goes to an Audition and Stops Starving a Talent Hungry World” would be a better headline. Get to work, hooker! I miss ya! And I’m sorry you have to worry about alimony now since you’re richer than he is. Masturbation is less smelly and way cheaper. I only advise because I love.

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Let me guess…Joe? No! Cousin Geri! WHO? I remember Tootie, Joe, Blaire, and Janet Jackson. But the fact that this chick ever struggled with her sexuality is pretty shocking, cuz she looks pretty comfie with it in the pic provided. Stop worrying about your sex life and get uncomfortable with split ends, woman.

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The wait for Jo’s obligatory outing continues…

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Rachel likes sour stuff. Shocker! The real news is that she’s eating.

That Zoe is choosing to bathe her child in fruit acid should surprise no one. Who wants a wrinkly baby? An acid wash is the closet thing to a face peel you’re gonna get in the womb.

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Hopefully vocal lessons were included. Otherwise, go back!

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If there was a crystal ball in the Garden of Eden, those two would make Adam regret hooking up with Eve.

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Call Cousin Geri to come over with her toolbox. People is heavy on lesbionics today.

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Thank God he wasn’t caught with a joint or something really serious or he’d be doing ten years.

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And she’s still not Jessica.

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So is peeing. What’s your point?

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So no one would say “I hope it’s as talented as your mom! That kind of genius usually skips a generation. Congrats! What does Goldie think about all this?”


See you guys next time! Have a great weekend!

Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

6 Comments

  1. 1
    Msjacqmills
    Posted January 28, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Love this, Flipit. Cousin Geri has a disability that affects the way whe walks. Isn’t that what she’s referring to in the title? Or, is she gay too?

  2. 2
    Flipit
    Posted January 28, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Hi my jaq!! Sorry should have been clearer. She is a lesbian too!

  3. 3
    angelbayyb
    Posted January 28, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    LOVE ITTTTTT lol

  4. 4
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted January 29, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Wasn’t Jeri the girl with cerebal palsy? I vaguely remember her.

  5. 5
    Msjacqmills
    Posted January 29, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Thanks for clarifying! Did you mean ms jacq? I hope not, because I’d love to be your jacq!

    M captcha is LNUT..hehe.

  6. 6
    Libithina
    Posted February 2, 2011 at 11:06 am

    AWWWW Poor Demi!

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