Waaaay too much time has passed since I’ve checked my brain at the door and visited my fave magazine, so I figured while Nads was out for the afternoon peeing her name in the snow, I’d catch up. Welcome to ZineCap!
But wait! I thought he was just in the hospital for a hernia! Is that what we’re calling alcoholism now? I’d help you move on Sunday, but I have a hernia. I only crashed into that baby stroller cuz of my hernia. I’m only dating this loser cuz he supports my hernia. But seriously, Charles. Please get better so I don’t have to see your droopy herniated mug every time I click on People.
Who cares? “Jaime Pressly Goes to an Audition and Stops Starving a Talent Hungry World” would be a better headline. Get to work, hooker! I miss ya! And I’m sorry you have to worry about alimony now since you’re richer than he is. Masturbation is less smelly and way cheaper. I only advise because I love.
Let me guess…Joe? No! Cousin Geri! WHO? I remember Tootie, Joe, Blaire, and Janet Jackson. But the fact that this chick ever struggled with her sexuality is pretty shocking, cuz she looks pretty comfie with it in the pic provided. Stop worrying about your sex life and get uncomfortable with split ends, woman.
The wait for Jo’s obligatory outing continues…
Rachel likes sour stuff. Shocker! The real news is that she’s eating.
That Zoe is choosing to bathe her child in fruit acid should surprise no one. Who wants a wrinkly baby? An acid wash is the closet thing to a face peel you’re gonna get in the womb.
Hopefully vocal lessons were included. Otherwise, go back!
If there was a crystal ball in the Garden of Eden, those two would make Adam regret hooking up with Eve.
Call Cousin Geri to come over with her toolbox. People is heavy on lesbionics today.
Thank God he wasn’t caught with a joint or something really serious or he’d be doing ten years.
And she’s still not Jessica.
So is peeing. What’s your point?
So no one would say “I hope it’s as talented as your mom! That kind of genius usually skips a generation. Congrats! What does Goldie think about all this?”
See you guys next time! Have a great weekend!